An Oregon Land Use
By Benjamin Boyd
It came to pass, that Naboth, a fourth generation Oregonian, had an organic vineyard in Jacksonville, hard by the McMansion of Ahab, a retiree from California.
Ahab spoke to Naboth: “Give me thy restrictive covenant, for money, that thy vineyard will never be subdivided, that you may have it ever for organic Oregon grapes, because it is near to my house: and I will give thee a better vineyard than it, in Napa Valley; or, if it seem good, I will give thee its worth in transferrable development rights.”
Naboth said: “I know my rights. I went to a presentation by Oregonians in Action. Measure 37 permitteth me to subdivide, there’s no way I would transfer the development rights or covenant away the inheritance of my fathers unto thee. Get thee hence! Canst thou not see yon surveyors?”
Ahab came home displeased because of the words Naboth spoke to him. Ahab lay down on his bed of organic fibers, turned away his face and would eat no bread.
Jezebel, Ahab’s wife, came to him breezily, and said: “Why is thy spirit sad, that thou eatest no bread? Behold, I have hand-shaped artisan bread, made from fairly traded organic Oregon wheat, baked with tamarack wood grown on the south slopes of sustainable tree farms.”
Ahab said: “Because I spake unto Naboth and said unto him, “Give me thy covenant, for money, that thy vineyard will never be subdivided; and I will give thee an even better vineyard than it, in Napa Valley; or, if it seem good, I will give thee the worth of thy vineyard in development rights,” but Naboth answered: “I know my rights. Measure 37 permitteth me to subdivide.”
Jezebel said unto Ahab: “Dost thou not sit on the Planning Commission? Hast not Oregon passed Measure 49? Arise, eat this hand-shaped artisan bread, made from fairly traded organic Oregon wheat, and let thine heart be merry with our narrow-minded neighbor’s good organic wine; I will give thee Naboth’s restrictive covenant. His rights to subdivide have not vested.”
So Jezebel wrote letters in Ahab’s name, and didst send the letters to the Jacksonville City Councilpersons, and verily, to the noble Planning Commission.
She wrote: “Proclaim a public hearing, send out due notice, and set Naboth’s Measure 37 waiver on high amongst the Jacksonvillans who have nothing better to do than attend land use meetings.
And setteth two men from the 1000 Friends of Oregon before him, who must say during their three minutes of public comment: “Thou didst fail to follow Jacksonville’s Measure 37 Procedures, and didst not give effective notice to adjacent landowners of thy Measure 37 claim. Thus, thy rights to subdivide thy vineyard have not vested before Measure 49’s effective date.’ Then, carry thou Naboth out, remove the surveyor’s stakes from his vineyard, and smite his Measure 37 Waiver. He may not subdivide it.”
The noble Planning Commission and Councilpersons didst as Jezebel had sent unto them, as it was written in the letters she hadst sent unto them.
They proclaimed a public hearing, and set Naboth’s Measure 37 Waiver on high amongst all the Jacksonvillans who had nothing better to do than attend land use meetings.
Then two men from the 1000 Friends of Oregon came and sitteth before Naboth and gavest public comments against Naboth in the presence of all, saying, ‘Thou didst fail to follow Jacksonville’s Measure 37 Procedures, and didst not give effective notice to adjacent landowners of thy Measure 37 claim. Therefore, thy rights to subdivide thy vineyard in Jacksonville hath not vested before Measure 49’s effective date.’ Then they carried him forth, removed the surveyor’s stakes from his vineyard, and smote his invalid Measure 37 Waiver, that he wouldst never subdivide his vineyard.
The men from the 1000 Friends of Oregon sent to Jezebel, saying, “Naboth’s hope of gaining vested rights on his Measure 37 waiver is dead.”
It came to pass, when Jezebel heard Naboth’s hope of gaining vested rights was dead, that Jezebel sayeth to Ahab, “Arise, take the draft of thy restrictive covenant for the vineyard of Naboth, which he refused to give thee for money, for Naboth’s hope of getting a Measure 37 waiver on his vineyard is not alive, but dead.”
It came to pass, when Ahab heard that Naboth’s hope of gaining a Measure 37 waiver was dead, that Ahab rose up to go down to Naboth’s vineyard, to pressure him into signing a restrictive covenant, because Naboth now knew his Measure 37 waiver had no vested rights, and knew he couldn’t subdivide his vineyard.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Benjamin Boyd is a staff attorney for Chief Justice Roy S. Moore of the Alabama Supreme Court.
© 2013 Benjamin Boyd